Holidays are a weird time for me. For most people, holidays are a time for family and for sharing in common family customs. Growing up I didn’t have a lot of these rituals. My father wasn’t around much, I never really had any grandparents, and after my Mom got her divorce, it was just to two of us. When Christmas or Thanksgiving would come around, we would become flooded with invitations to attend the dinner of another family. More often than not, we would go to a friend’s house a celebrate the time of year with them.
Every family has different customs and styles of celebrating the holidays. Since these customs were not my own, I always took on the role of the observer. If it were my own family’s ritual, then I would more than likely take things for granted, because ‘that’s just the way we do things.’ But these aren’t my customs, so I always hang back a bit and make sure I’m going with the flow. It’s not as if I’m visiting a tribe in Uganda. I mean everyone pretty much celebrates Christmas, or Thanksgiving similarly, but there are mannerisms and habits that make each one unique. Also, since I’m not an immediate part of the family, I’ve always been a bit of the odd man out.
I’m not complaining mind you. I’m very thankful that my Mom and I had such a wide and diverse extended family. Instead of being locked into one way to celebrate Christmas, for example, I had the opportunity to experience a plethora of holiday traditions. This has allowed me to adopt the ones I like best and incorporate them into my home with Holly. When we have children, we’ll expand our current traditions and I’ll recall past holidays that I grew up with.
Currently, I’m celebrating Thanksgiving with Holly’s family here at Calloway Gardens. Her mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, aunt, uncle, brother, sister-in-law and nephew are all here. Holly and I have been married for close to 10 years and we dated for 6, so for the past 16 years, I’ve participated in my fair share of Coxe traditions. This Thanksgiving is a little different because normally they are held at the Coxe residence in Baton Rouge, but since everyone is here, it still has the same overall feel to it.
One of the things I like most about the Coxe get togethers, is that I have an opportunity to talk to Holly’s grandfather – Hodgie Frederick. He loves to tell a good story and I love to listen. After we ate Thanksgiving dinner, our end of the table sat in rapt attention as he told one story after another. Some of them I’ve heard before, some I haven’t, but I could listen to him talk all day. He was born in Grosse Tete and grew up in the smaller French influenced towns around that area. Most people would call him a cajun. Many of his stories are more like lessons, than stories. For example he likes to teach you how to speak French, or explain how things were done back in his day. Some of his stories are about his days as a plant manager for Ethyl corporation. As stagnant as that may sound, it’s actually quite interesting. He traveled to Canada and Belgium setting up, or fixing other plants. He spun yarns about a big feast that was given in honor of his birthday in Canada with all the COO’s in attendance and how one of his employees moved to Belgium after a business trip there.
For me, it’s just not a family occasion without hearing him tell his stories and that’s when it dawned on me that I’m no longer sitting on the sidelines during the holidays. Holly’s family is my family now. If ever there was a time that I felt part of a large family, it’s this one. I’ve felt this way even before Holly and I got married. They welcomed me with open arms and I’ve never been made to feel like I’m a 3rd wheel, but I’ve still thought of myself as being an observer. I guess because technically it’s not my family. I know, when Holly and I got married, they became my family, but you know what I mean. I guess this is the first time it’s dawned on me that this is my family and I do have family traditions.
I have a tribe to call my own. What could I be more thankful of than that?