This morning I read Jeffery Goldberg’s article For the First Time, the TSA Meets Resistance which is about the new security measures being put in place. It seems that they are now introducing Back-Scatter X-Ray machines which are highly invasive, their nickname is “The Dick-Measuring Device”, or a pat down when a TSA officer grabs your ass and feels up your leg until they meet resistance.


I’m on a business trip in about two weeks, so I was thinking through what option I’d take and I quickly assed that I’m going for the pat down. Is it awkward? Sure, but it’s awkward for both parties and I’m not going to make it pleasant. Seems I’m not alone in thinking the pat down is the way to go either.

At lunch, I mentioned the article and my stance on it and Dan he added that we should create a movement and call it “The Soggy Bottom Boys”.

You show up at the airport and the inside of your legs and bottom are soaked with a thick gel like material. Something wet and sticky that even though the TSA agent is wearing gloves it will feel very strange and force them to change their gloves. I can just picture the agent running his hand up a leg only to meet a moist resistance that may even be warm to the touch. With a look of disgust, a thick viscous gel pulls away with his hand while his mind races through all the gross things this gel could be.

OK, it’s a silly and stupid idea, but it did make me laugh. So I thought I’d share.

But I am serious about the pat down. Come and get it.